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September 16, 2003

ROMANCE NOVELS....Jim Henley suspects that writing a cheap romance novel is harder than it looks:

I don't like romance novels. Not my thing. But when non-writers baldly assert that "I could do better than that," or muse that they should knock off a romance or two to make some easy money, I'm always skeptical. Firstly, the sheer endurance required to finish writing even a bad novel is rare and impressive. Anyone who actually gets that 50,000th or 100,000th word down on the page has my respect, even if every one of those words suck. Secondly, I suspect that, almost without exception, to produce a romance that romance fans will like, you have to have a certain affection for the genre yourself - to sustain your interest and theirs.

Why, I do believe he's right. How do I know? Because I myself tried writing one a couple of decades ago. I finished it too, a fine 70,000 word tale of romance and intrigue on the Amazon.

And it sucked. The only good thing about it was that it didn't take very long to write.

But even so, it sucked.

Posted by Kevin Drum at September 16, 2003 04:35 PM | TrackBack


Comments

SOme years back, a friend suggested that she and I write a romance novel. As best I recall she said "I'll write the sexy parts and you write about the kind of things that happen to you." (It had been an interesting year.)

Posted by: IR Nee at September 16, 2003 04:54 PM | PERMALINK

Hilarious. I actually tried the same thing, once, myself. And yes, I found it very difficult. Of course, I don't actually read romance novels.

But the Amazon, eh? Impressive.

Posted by: Demetrios at September 16, 2003 04:55 PM | PERMALINK

So where's the manuscript, Kevin? Post it online! We'll decide if it sucks!

Posted by: Robert Tagorda at September 16, 2003 05:07 PM | PERMALINK

Sounds like "Fabio" meets "Fitzcarraldo"!

Out of curiosity, had this been published, what pen name would you have used? "Kevin Drum" just doesn't sound like a romance novelist...

Posted by: TomF at September 16, 2003 05:16 PM | PERMALINK

Please post it!!!

Posted by: ben at September 16, 2003 05:16 PM | PERMALINK

Actually you didn't say it hadn't been published. Just assuming...

Posted by: TomF at September 16, 2003 05:17 PM | PERMALINK

No, it was never published.

The worst part, I guess, was that before I wrote it I slogged through half a dozen romances to try and get a flavor for the genre. And I'll tell you something: they really *do* suck -- although apparently not quite as badly as my effort.

Posted by: Kevin Drum at September 16, 2003 05:26 PM | PERMALINK

As for posting it, aside from the expected considerations of "it's too long" and "fuck no, what are you thinking?" -- there's another problem: it was written on MASS-11 on a VAX, and now exists only on paper. And maybe not even in that form.

In any case, it *definitely* doesn't exist in electronic form, so we are all safe from the possibility of having to read it.

Posted by: Kevin Drum at September 16, 2003 05:29 PM | PERMALINK

Aw c'mon. It was probably the basis for "Romancing the Stone" and you're just humble, right?

Posted by: Linkmeister at September 16, 2003 05:30 PM | PERMALINK

I actually had a fantasy a few years back of writing a novel that started out as a romance in a Central American country and then evolved by turns into a political novel about death squads, perfidy, and American support for third world dictatorships.

And that's what it remains: a fantasy.

Posted by: edub at September 16, 2003 05:36 PM | PERMALINK

Heh. Never tried the romance genre but writing is just plain hard. Even the pros, who seemingly crank out a book every few months, only do it by sustained effort, several hours a day, virtually every day.

I once saw an installment of (I think) Booknotes where Shelby Foote was on a roundtable and someone asked if writing poetry is harder than prose. Foote responded, "Nothing's harder than prose."

Posted by: James Joyner at September 16, 2003 05:41 PM | PERMALINK

Did you consider cutting the word count way down, cranking up the smut, and submitting to Penthouse Letters?

Dear Penthouse,

You won't believe what happened to me on my trip up the Amazon! Let's just say the hot chicks don't all live in Rio. Hubba hubba...

Posted by: Jon H at September 16, 2003 05:55 PM | PERMALINK

Bah! Scan it in. Post it a bit at a time. Saturday Romance-blogging after Friday Cat-blogging. I bet we're all hooked after week one.

Posted by: Justene at September 16, 2003 06:28 PM | PERMALINK

Am I the only one wondering 'why?'

Posted by: Ali at September 16, 2003 06:58 PM | PERMALINK

I love this sniffing and turning up of noses at romance novels while talking with utter seriousness about comic books.

Funny, funny stuff.

Posted by: Julia Grey at September 16, 2003 07:15 PM | PERMALINK

At 1000 words a week it would only take a year. :)

Posted by: aphrael at September 16, 2003 07:34 PM | PERMALINK

Could I trouble you not to use "cheap romance novel" as if it's a tautology? For one thing, the last one I bought was $25.95.

To be serious, "Rebecca" is a romance novel. "Pride and Prejudice" is a romance novel.

" "I am no novel-reader--I seldom look into novels--Do not imagine that I often read novels--It is really very well for a novel." Such is the common cant. "And what are you reading, Miss--?" "Oh! It is only a novel!" replies the young lady, while she lays down her book with affected indifference, or momentary shame. "It is only Cecilia, or Camilla, or Belinda"; or, in short, only some work in which the greatest powers of the mind are displayed, in which the most thorough knowledge of human nature, the happiest delineation of its varieties, the liveliest effusions of wit and humour, are conveyed to the world in the best-chosen language."

There is a lot of dreck shelved in the Romance section. There are also several funny, honest, entertaining novels. Try "Welcome To Temptation" by Jennifer Crusie.

Posted by: Jonquil at September 16, 2003 07:56 PM | PERMALINK

I don't read a lot of romance (I usually wallow in the SF ghetto instead, so no moral high ground here), but I second Jonquil's recommendation of Jennifer Crusie's very smart and funny books. Start with "Welcome to Temptation" or "Faking It".

Crusie has an interesting essay on her website in praise of the romance genre; it includes the figure (no cite, unfortunately) that "romance owns 50% of mass market paperback fiction sales."

Posted by: Christina Schulman at September 16, 2003 08:13 PM | PERMALINK

In any case, it *definitely* doesn't exist in electronic form, so we are all safe from the possibility of having to read it.

I've got a scanner with text-recognition.
Mail me the transcript, have your people call my people, and we'll see if we can't get you on Oprah's book list.

P.S.
You might want to go back through the text and change every "said" to "gasped", "muttered", "groaned" etc.
Oh and add adjectives; lots and lots of superflous, purple adjectives.

Posted by: WillieStyle at September 16, 2003 08:14 PM | PERMALINK

Oh and add adjectives; lots and lots of superflous, purple adjectives.

That's the equivalent of telling a contemporary science fiction writer to be sure to include lots of bug-eyed aliens with sexual designs on earth women. You're way, way behind the times.

There's a romance fan site out there that has a "Purple Prose" contest where romance readers compete to write the silliest parodies of the genre's bodice-ripping and euphemistic heyday, when locutions like "his veined and throbbing love rod quenched her aching need" were all the rage.

Besides, it's ADVERBS you really need a lot of. Heh.

Posted by: Julia Grey at September 16, 2003 08:37 PM | PERMALINK

I completely agree with Julia & Jonquil. Romance is a sadly, mistakenly disparaged genre.

The truth is, Romance is like ANY other genre. There is complete trashy crap, and then there are masterpieces.

And yes, the Purple Prose parody contains some of the funniest short stories I've ever read. Actually, the entire website All About Romance is fabulous, well-done and the reviews are honest. Not like the rah-rah Romantic Times, which gives every romance a grade of over B. My favorite reviews at AAR are the F reviews, some of them are hysterical. I also love Mrs. Giggle's website; she has loads of snarky reviews.

Posted by: Carrie at September 16, 2003 08:54 PM | PERMALINK

I have good news for you! Writing that first novel is among the hardest feats for a writer and you're over it! Coming up in November is National Novel Writing Month, affectionately known is NaNoWriMo. I didn't find out about it until late in the month last year, but I intend to participate this year. You should give it a try! Instead of romance, maybe you could do sf, which I know you like. Details here http://www.nanowrimo.org/

MKK

Posted by: Mary Kay at September 16, 2003 09:31 PM | PERMALINK

My sister has been in a Romance Writers group (Romance Writers of America?) for years. Turns out that a lot of people trying other genres are there, too. It is very demanding, requires a high level of writing, and the plots are rather stereotyped by publisher (although an experienced romance writer can break the stereotypes.)

There are also good reasons why guys are turned off and the field is mostly read by women. An editor can tell within a page or two if the book will work. Apparently, however, it is a skill that can be learned - by some.

I find that I can't finish one. and I will read almost anything. I think I will stick with Bernard Cornwell and Elizabeth Moon (If you haven't read Deeds of Paksinarion, do so.)

Posted by: Rick B at September 17, 2003 12:24 AM | PERMALINK

Could you please post the URLs of the website that you are so enthusiastic about ?

Posted by: khr at September 17, 2003 02:12 AM | PERMALINK

Jonquil, is that a Jane Austen preface? It's very nice.

Posted by: John Isbell at September 17, 2003 05:58 AM | PERMALINK

"I love this sniffing and turning up of noses at romance novels while talking with utter seriousness about comic books."

No preconceptions there, eh Julia? Have you ever actually read a comic book (like, say, Ghost World or Sandman or Maus) or are you just assuming they're all about guys in tights beating each other up?

Comics are a FORMAT, like novels or newspapers or blogs. Romance is a GENRE. Genres are generally easier to mock because they're more prone to stereotyping and, yes, suckage. When people dismissively deride comics (as opposed to superhero comics or romance comics or fantasy comics or funny animal comics or etc.) that right away tells me they usually have no idea what they're talking about.

In any case, I did have a point, which was that I see this same "hey, this sucks, I could do it better!" attitude among comics readers as well. It's far more prevalent among wanna-be writers than among wanna-be artists, because art is so incredibly time-consuming. Writing is much less so, and the fact that so many of us have keyboards leads a lot of wanna-bes to think that if they can type they can write; many harbor no such illusions about art.

Posted by: Elayne Riggs at September 17, 2003 06:35 AM | PERMALINK

I used to read manuscripts for a literary agent. Even the trashiest novels have to reach a certain level of competence in order to be readable, and it's a lot harder to reach that minimum competence than most people think.
Sounds like Kevin should've focused on trying to write for Legion of Super-Heroes instead.

Posted by: Dr. Manhattan at September 17, 2003 07:21 AM | PERMALINK

> Jonquil, is that a Jane Austen preface? It's very nice.

Yup. Actually, it's dropped straight into the middle of *Northanger Abbey*. You get the feeling that Austen just snapped one day. *g*

Posted by: Jonquil at September 17, 2003 07:34 AM | PERMALINK

Genre fiction is really, really hard to write, just as it's often harder to write for a tabloid paper than for a broadsheet. Harlequin or Mills & Boon set very exacting standards because they know their readers have zero tolerance of anything vaguely 'off the page', so to speak.

And, look: it's reading, so I don't mind if it's literary fast food. I'd rather that someone read a Harlequin romance every week than sat in front of the TV.

Posted by: nick sweeney at September 17, 2003 07:45 AM | PERMALINK

I share Jim Henley's admiration of anyone who - like Kevin, can write a whole 70,000 word novel, even if it sucks.

Especially if it sucks.

Crimey, I can't bring myself to finish reading a 70,000 word novel that I think sucks. I can't imagine how on earth anyone could bring himself to finish _writing_ one that he thinks sucks.

Any illumination, Author Drum?

Posted by: Simon at September 17, 2003 09:39 AM | PERMALINK

Probably shows the kind of crowd I hang around with, but I don't know anyone with romance-novel ambitions, but it seems like 80% of my friends and family think they could write a fabulous children's book.

I think it's another genre that looks a lot easier than it is.

Posted by: denise at September 17, 2003 09:57 AM | PERMALINK

"I love this sniffing and turning up of noses at romance novels while talking with utter seriousness about _comic books_."

Well this is an annoying misinterpretation. I said "I don't like" romance novels. That is NOT the same thing as "sniffing and turning up" noses. Actually, what I'm saying in that passage is that if someone _does_ "sniff and turn up their nose" at romance novels, they're not going to be able to write one. I DO like superhero comics, so I choose to write about them (and other kinds of comics too). But at least I can take satisfaction in knowing that fans of the two share a common defensiveness.

Posted by: Jim Henley at September 17, 2003 10:47 AM | PERMALINK

I love this sniffing and turning up of noses at romance novels while talking with utter seriousness about comic books.
Posted by Julia Grey at September 16, 2003 07:15 PM

Well, I think Julia is right and it's for the usual reason: comics are mostly read by men, romance novels by women. Since I read both, and lots of science fiction too, I get the sniffing from all my friends who only read "mainstream" best sellers ... otherwise known as crap.

Posted by: Temperance at September 17, 2003 01:20 PM | PERMALINK

"Well, I think Julia is right and it's for the usual reason: comics are mostly read by men, romance novels by women."

As the only person who could plausibly have been referred to as "talking with utter seriousness about comic books," I call bullshit. I TWUSACB because I personally like to read comics. I do not TWUSARN because I personally do not like to read romance novels. The fact that I neither read nor TWUSA romance novels doesn't mean plenty of other people don't do those things.

Anyone who reads what I wrote as "sniffing and turning up noses" at romance novels is a moron.

Posted by: Jim Henley at September 17, 2003 02:35 PM | PERMALINK

The closest I've ever come to romance novels were written by Phyllis Whitney and Daphne du Maurier. I don't even know who writes good romance novels today. Any suggestions? I like the darker stuff, especially gothic.

I wrote a novel after I moved to Massachusetts. Took me three years. I usually like dark fantasy and horror, so instead of fitting myself into a particular genre, I just wrote what I felt like writing. I was surprised when it turned out to be a mystery. You're right, Kevin - it's very hard work. I've been looking for an agent on and off for about a year. I need to put more effort into that.

There are some good comic books out there. "Graphic novel" sounds less juvenile. Dawn was fun to read. I own Sandman but I didn't care much for it. I'll have to give it another try. I especially like steam punk, like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Ruse: Enter the Detective.

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